You know how everyone always says that when you blog about something good, it ALWAYS jinxes it?!
They are right. I have been bitten in the bum time and time again and I really should have known better...
I was all up on my high horse about how Benjamin has no separation anxiety. He generally jumps into new situations without mommy and daddy with both feet, especially if there are toys and other kids involved. Sunday school was no exception. We've been going to months now without incident...
Then the damn cat died.
I swear, that cat is haunting me from the grave with this legacy of abandonment issues he has left us with.
Ever since then, Ben has had this issue with his daddy leaving. Every day when I get him from his room in the morning, I have to reassure him that daddy is just at work and he'll be home at dinnertime. He reminds himself all day long too. "Daddy will be back. Daddy always comes back!" It's really kind of sad...
So going to church this morning began like it always does except that we tried to go to the earlier service so we could get to the grocery store afterwards before naptime. We got to the church, walked him down to the room and that's when things went downhill. He started screaming and crying and clinging to Tom. They gave us our pager and we decided to leave him and see how it went. Off we went to the service. We were two songs into the service when our pager started vibrating. I left the sanctuary and headed down to the Sunday school rooms... before I even got to the bottom of the stairs I could hear him screaming.
(sigh) There was no calming him down, so we just left. I insisted we go back for the next service though because I wanted to nip this little issue in the bud... I thought maybe just the change in routine and different teachers at the earlier service are what set him off.
So we went to the store, talking the whole time about "school" and how fun it is. He agreed and talked about the blocks and the toys... we told him we were going back after the store and he seemed cool with that.
Back we went...
This time, he went into the room, no problem. He found a Thomas toy and was playing happily with that and a Little People garage when we left him. We thought we were off the hook... patting ourselves on the back about what smart parents we are....
We got into the sanctuary, sat down.... the choir had not yet even begun to sing this time before the pager went off again. Back downstairs I went... this time, he was crying so hard he was choking and gagging. (sigh)
And, here' s the kicker... he didn't want me. "Daddy!" "Where's daddy?!" "Daddy come BACK!" Tom and I had agreed that if I wasn't back in two minutes that he would come down and join me, so he arrived shortly thereafter and Ben calmed down... but GEESH.
Needless to say, church was a wash today and I am now more than a bit concerned about how preschool will go in the fall. We are going back next week, of course... we're armed with a strategy where Tom is going to stay for awhile and then try and leave, but leave something of his behind so Ben can remind himself daddy will come back. We'll see how it goes...
If it's not one thing, it's another with toddlers, no?
What's especially frustrating, and as I've said before, is that Ben is NOT a shy child. *I* was a shyu kid, and afraid of EVERYTHING, so I KNOW what that kind of kid is like. He isn't afraid things, generally.... but something about the cat disappearing and never coming back has set in motion some serious issues that will obviously take some time to work though.
And now I have to ask myself, is having pets really worth all this?!
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8 comments:
Have you talked to him about the cat dying? There is some really good information out there on talking to your kids about pets dying. They say it helps to talk to them about it and helps them develop healthy ways to grieve. Maybe a little funeral where you bury something that belonged to the cat?
We have told him that Ani is in heaven with Jesus... not that he really understands what all that means, but he repeats it over and over again throughout the day.
"Ani in heaven with Jesus... Milo is HERE."
(sigh)
I don't know how to explain death to a 2-year-old... I mean, I don't want to say, "He went to sleep" (gah! More trauma!) or "We took him to the doctor" (not when we're just making progress on screaming at the dr's office)
I DID see a whole section of children's books dealing with pet deaths at the bookstore yesterday... perhaps I should pick one up.
This took me a little by surprise. He barely acknowledged that cat....
I think it will pass...
Beaux and Bella have phases where they all of a sudden throw tantrums when I leave daycare. I think what works is consistency, knowing you will come back to get them, but also letting him know he is staying there. Its hard in the situation you were in, because you don't want to disturb everyone, but I applaud you going back and trying again! Very good. Keep working on it, I really think it will straighten itself out.
I agree with Mrs. Belle -- it will pass. Ani's death was completely unexpected, and those toddlers, they never do well with anything unexpected, do they?
I will pretty much guarantee you that, at first, Ben will have some separation anxiety when it comes to preschool. But as he learns that there is a routine to it, just like everything else, and as school becomes more familiar to him and the knowledge that you will be there to pick him up becomes set in stone, he'll get over it.
Oh, Erin, I'm sorry it's so rough with the transition. No, Claire is right, they don't do well with unexpected events.
I don't have much to add since the others all had great advice. We have seen the same thing with Brandon where he goes through periods of anxiety and then it will pass. He does the "Daddy" thing too...asks for him all the time when Alan's at work. Ben will adjust to preschool once it is "the routine", as we all know is key.
Kids get over stuff remarkably quickly at that age. When I was only a month or two older than Ben is now, my daddy DIDN'T come back. I kinda freaked out. Mom told me how it took a while for me to adjust, but soon we got into a new routine and I calmed down.
It'll pass. All things do.
Krystyna,
I can't even imagine (especially now that I HAVE a child that age) what impact that would have. He talks about the cat on and off ALL day long and then reassures himself about daddy coming back. I guess we are taking a minute risk of screwing him up REAL good if something were to happen to Tom. (god forbid)...
I still say... DAMN CAT.
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